PLEASE FEEL FREE TO SAY HI TO ME IN PUBLIC. I take the privacy of my clients very seriously. If you have not indicated to me that you are comfortable being friendly with me in public, I will err on the side of privacy. If you see me in public, I may not acknowledge you. If you say hello to me, I will always be pleased, and I would
love to chat, but I will not assume that you want to explain how you know me to the
people you came in with, nor will I bring up your health or massage history. That is
personal, and I leave it in your hands to decide where and with whom you share it.
PLEASE FEEL FREE TO FRIEND ME ON FACEBOOK. If you are coming to me as a client, I will not friend you on Facebook, but I love it when clients friend me. Don't get me wrong, I want EVERYBODY to follow the RockeLife2.0 Facebook page, and I care about my clients. I love to see pictures of your family being happy, and I am here to give support when life gets you down. But, I don't know whether you want to explain to your cousin or your friend, who is also a massage therapist, why you are coming to me for therapy and not to them.
PLEASE FEEL FREE TO SHARE WITH ME. I have received photos and notes from clients, and I am always, always grateful for kindness, appreciation and the personal connection with my clients. I WILL NOT post your photos or notes publicly in my space. I consider your personal gestures to be just that. I am ALWAYS humbled and grateful for referrals and positive online reviews. They are powerful in today's business world. For the same reasons I've already mentioned, I will not take it personally if you choose not to make a public statement about our relationship.
I WILL SUPPORT YOU. If you share with me about your profession, I will try to support your business just as you support mine. If I have a client who needs work in your field, I will refer them to you without mentioning that you are a client, unless you have indicated that you are comfortable with that.
YOU ARE SAFE WITH ME. Be assured that you are not being mentioned or discussed. For my safety, I always keep someone I trust informed about my location when I am doing mobile work, and that client's identity is known to them, but personal details are not needed for that purpose. There may be times when I might share something about "a client" to help explain or reassure another client, or to consult with another professional about your case, but I will not use any personally identifying information without your explicit permission. Your relationship with me is sacred to me, and unless you have indicated otherwise, it is entirely professional and privileged.
If you are my client, I care for you and yours. If you are comfortable with me in public, I love to grab a chat with you. Coffee shop waves make me feel loved, and grocery store hugs are just universally good medicine.
Thursday, May 3, 2018
Monday, August 1, 2016
Are You Judging Me, LMT?
As a massage therapist, people are often curious as to what I "see." I will find myself in a conversation with someone about my boundaries, why I don't wear makeup when I work, and how no one's marketable appearance is relevant to what I do. Very often, this conversationalist will squint and say, "Yeah, but I bet you'd rather work on someone with a 'nice body' than (insert whatever hangup that person seems to have), right?"
*sigh*
I have had people get on my table and apologize for having hair, for their "ugly" scars, for pigmentation, for their weight (both ends of the spectrum), for dirty feet, and pretty much just for being imperfect.
A few things are important here. One is my definition of "perfect": What makes a body perfect or nice in my mind is that it will support and facilitate the needs and choices of the person in it. No one else's estimation of their body is really relevant. If someone makes reference to a "nice butt" in my presence, my question is always, "Does it work?" I don't mean to be flippant or crass. I just don't subscribe to the idea of a "better" body unless it is followed by "for... ______."
Second: If someone says to me, "I don't like to take my clothes off because I am uncomfortable with my body." I am going to let you own that. That belongs to you. Your discomfort with your body doesn't belong to me. I'm not uncomfortable with your body.
The next step is to give you some choices:
If you don't want to be seen or touched because you are fearful, let's talk about that. I want you to know that you are safe with me. If you have had a trauma, such as an assault, please don't think that the expectation is for you to "tough it out." Please tell me that you don't want to be touched there. You don't have to tell me why if you don't want to. I won't. It won't benefit either of us to force it. If after a few visits, you feel comfortable with the idea of working with that traumatized part of your body, we will talk it through. I have had my own life experiences and I understand that it is not ok until it is ok, and nobody knows but you. Don't just be the "good client." You are not alone in this.
If you don't want to be seen or touched because you are ashamed, let's talk about that. You are not comfortable with your weight. You have had a surgery. You have a rash or sweaty feet.
Ok, let's start with rashes and smelly feet. If you have something that I can catch from you, please don't hide it. Let's agree to protect each other. I won't massage you if I have strep throat. We can skip that rashy area on your knee if we don't know what it is for now. I might even have had a similar condition, and I can share some of my experience in its dealings, or I may very well have good connections with someone I can recommend. If you have psoriasis, I'm not going to catch that from you, and I'm not going to worry about it. AT ALL. If you have hyperhidrosis, I might keep a towel handy to blot excess moisture and help control the "glide" of my massage strokes. I'm not worried about that. AT ALL.
If you just have sweaty, smelly feet, I might suggest that you use some wipes I provide for that, largely because I don't want you to feel all squirmy inside wondering what I'm thinking when I work on your feet. That takes away from the relaxation of your massage.
These are "normal" things. It is NORMAL to have things that are challenges and considerations in the way we get through our days. I'm not afraid to talk about them, and I don't want you to be.
If you are uncomfortable with your weight, let me assure you that I am not. If you aren't ready to let go of that, I'm not going to push you or shame you for your "hangups." I will simply suggest that when you feel safe to let your body receive healing touch, I would be honored to provide that. My perspective on your body is that it is my job to help you to get the best performance out of it that can come through massage. If we need to give some consideration to the reality of what will support you safely, let's do that. If your knees ache, I want to help you with your knees. If someone has shamed you because your knees ache, shame on them. Conversely, if you are afraid that massage will hurt because you are afraid you don't have enough tissue mass, let me assure you that it is not your job to "take" massage however the therapist performs it. It is my job to shape my work around the needs of your body and your experience.
Many of my clients have some type of "unique anatomy." This means that through surgery, injury or genetics, their anatomy doesn't match the textbooks. A surgical repair has attached a tendon to a different part of the bone to be able to best restore function. Synthetic parts have forced rerouted bloodflow. Cancer has cost someone part of their leg. Ectrodactyly redefines the biomechanics of their hands, affecting the forearms and shoulders. These things are fascinating to me. I want to know how your function is affected. I want to explore ways we can work together with the real anatomy you have today to get it and keep it working for you, without pain, without shame, and without avoidable limitation. Sometimes, I may need input from your doctors to move forward with a treatment plan safely, and, frankly I won't apologize for asking for what I need to protect you.
I don't care about hair. Let me say it again. I don't. care. about. hair.
Some people might be disappointed to know that when I am in my therapeutic mindset, I probably won't even notice your awesome tattoo or your cute shoes, just like I don't try to look into the windows of houses when I'm driving down the street. It's not relevant to what I'm doing, it's not my business, and frankly, it's creepy.
The truth is, I generally don't see naked bodies. I always work with what we call a "drape," which is a sheet of fabric that I will move and tuck to uncover just what is relevant and necessary to perform the massage my client and I have planned. Draping is a skill and an art, and I take pride in my ability to protect the modesty of my client while working very effectively to get them results. Often, I simply work over the drape when I'm targeting specific muscles or working where it just isn't necessary to expose the skin. It keeps my client warm and eliminates unnecessary considerations for their modesty or mine.
When I get ready to step out to provide privacy for my client to get themselves situated and covered on the treatment table, I suggest they undress to their level of comfort, and I mean it. For some, that means nothing on under the drape, and for others that means all they take off is their belt and their shoes. That truly is okay.
Your massage will fail to relax you if you don't feel safe.
In functional neuromuscular therapy, sometimes it just makes more sense to have the client wear workout clothes. Often, the best way to approach restoring movement is to involve quite a bit of movement, and if they're wearing yoga pants, the time they have paid for in therapy isn't being used draping and re-draping with every repositioning.
If I can't give you a skillful massage through clothing, that is not your fault; that's on me. It is true that fabric can make it difficult or impossible to use certain techniques in certain areas, and that multiple layers of clothing can dramatically limit the ability to palpate exactly what is going on with some tissues, but there are other techniques, and maybe problem-solving palpation isn't necessary for the goals of this massage.
Most of the time, though, once a person has a sense of how draping and positioning work, they no longer worry that they will be exposed. With that worry lifted, they can comfortably receive more traditionally draped massage and benefit from the thoroughness of fluid, unhindered work.
And I am honored.
*sigh*
I have had people get on my table and apologize for having hair, for their "ugly" scars, for pigmentation, for their weight (both ends of the spectrum), for dirty feet, and pretty much just for being imperfect.
A few things are important here. One is my definition of "perfect": What makes a body perfect or nice in my mind is that it will support and facilitate the needs and choices of the person in it. No one else's estimation of their body is really relevant. If someone makes reference to a "nice butt" in my presence, my question is always, "Does it work?" I don't mean to be flippant or crass. I just don't subscribe to the idea of a "better" body unless it is followed by "for... ______."
Second: If someone says to me, "I don't like to take my clothes off because I am uncomfortable with my body." I am going to let you own that. That belongs to you. Your discomfort with your body doesn't belong to me. I'm not uncomfortable with your body.
The next step is to give you some choices:
If you don't want to be seen or touched because you are fearful, let's talk about that. I want you to know that you are safe with me. If you have had a trauma, such as an assault, please don't think that the expectation is for you to "tough it out." Please tell me that you don't want to be touched there. You don't have to tell me why if you don't want to. I won't. It won't benefit either of us to force it. If after a few visits, you feel comfortable with the idea of working with that traumatized part of your body, we will talk it through. I have had my own life experiences and I understand that it is not ok until it is ok, and nobody knows but you. Don't just be the "good client." You are not alone in this.
If you don't want to be seen or touched because you are ashamed, let's talk about that. You are not comfortable with your weight. You have had a surgery. You have a rash or sweaty feet.
Ok, let's start with rashes and smelly feet. If you have something that I can catch from you, please don't hide it. Let's agree to protect each other. I won't massage you if I have strep throat. We can skip that rashy area on your knee if we don't know what it is for now. I might even have had a similar condition, and I can share some of my experience in its dealings, or I may very well have good connections with someone I can recommend. If you have psoriasis, I'm not going to catch that from you, and I'm not going to worry about it. AT ALL. If you have hyperhidrosis, I might keep a towel handy to blot excess moisture and help control the "glide" of my massage strokes. I'm not worried about that. AT ALL.
If you just have sweaty, smelly feet, I might suggest that you use some wipes I provide for that, largely because I don't want you to feel all squirmy inside wondering what I'm thinking when I work on your feet. That takes away from the relaxation of your massage.
These are "normal" things. It is NORMAL to have things that are challenges and considerations in the way we get through our days. I'm not afraid to talk about them, and I don't want you to be.
If you are uncomfortable with your weight, let me assure you that I am not. If you aren't ready to let go of that, I'm not going to push you or shame you for your "hangups." I will simply suggest that when you feel safe to let your body receive healing touch, I would be honored to provide that. My perspective on your body is that it is my job to help you to get the best performance out of it that can come through massage. If we need to give some consideration to the reality of what will support you safely, let's do that. If your knees ache, I want to help you with your knees. If someone has shamed you because your knees ache, shame on them. Conversely, if you are afraid that massage will hurt because you are afraid you don't have enough tissue mass, let me assure you that it is not your job to "take" massage however the therapist performs it. It is my job to shape my work around the needs of your body and your experience.
Many of my clients have some type of "unique anatomy." This means that through surgery, injury or genetics, their anatomy doesn't match the textbooks. A surgical repair has attached a tendon to a different part of the bone to be able to best restore function. Synthetic parts have forced rerouted bloodflow. Cancer has cost someone part of their leg. Ectrodactyly redefines the biomechanics of their hands, affecting the forearms and shoulders. These things are fascinating to me. I want to know how your function is affected. I want to explore ways we can work together with the real anatomy you have today to get it and keep it working for you, without pain, without shame, and without avoidable limitation. Sometimes, I may need input from your doctors to move forward with a treatment plan safely, and, frankly I won't apologize for asking for what I need to protect you.
I don't care about hair. Let me say it again. I don't. care. about. hair.
Some people might be disappointed to know that when I am in my therapeutic mindset, I probably won't even notice your awesome tattoo or your cute shoes, just like I don't try to look into the windows of houses when I'm driving down the street. It's not relevant to what I'm doing, it's not my business, and frankly, it's creepy.
The truth is, I generally don't see naked bodies. I always work with what we call a "drape," which is a sheet of fabric that I will move and tuck to uncover just what is relevant and necessary to perform the massage my client and I have planned. Draping is a skill and an art, and I take pride in my ability to protect the modesty of my client while working very effectively to get them results. Often, I simply work over the drape when I'm targeting specific muscles or working where it just isn't necessary to expose the skin. It keeps my client warm and eliminates unnecessary considerations for their modesty or mine.
When I get ready to step out to provide privacy for my client to get themselves situated and covered on the treatment table, I suggest they undress to their level of comfort, and I mean it. For some, that means nothing on under the drape, and for others that means all they take off is their belt and their shoes. That truly is okay.
Your massage will fail to relax you if you don't feel safe.
In functional neuromuscular therapy, sometimes it just makes more sense to have the client wear workout clothes. Often, the best way to approach restoring movement is to involve quite a bit of movement, and if they're wearing yoga pants, the time they have paid for in therapy isn't being used draping and re-draping with every repositioning.
If I can't give you a skillful massage through clothing, that is not your fault; that's on me. It is true that fabric can make it difficult or impossible to use certain techniques in certain areas, and that multiple layers of clothing can dramatically limit the ability to palpate exactly what is going on with some tissues, but there are other techniques, and maybe problem-solving palpation isn't necessary for the goals of this massage.
Most of the time, though, once a person has a sense of how draping and positioning work, they no longer worry that they will be exposed. With that worry lifted, they can comfortably receive more traditionally draped massage and benefit from the thoroughness of fluid, unhindered work.
And I am honored.
Disclaimer
The thoughts and opinions expressed on this website do not constitute an attempt
to practice medicine nor are they an attempt to establish a doctor-patient
relationship, but are intended to contribute to the pool from which to formulate questions for your own healthcare experience. Statements of the author reflect her education and experience as an individual and do not attempt represent the massage therapy industry or natural health industry as a whole. The information provided on this website is not intended to diagnose,
treat or cure any condition, and has not been evaluated by the FDA, and
it is not meant for you to self-diagnose or self-treat your specific
health issue. It is not meant to replace or substitute for
the recommendations or advice of your physician or health care provider. If you believe you
have a medical condition or problem, please contact your health care provider.
Sunday, July 31, 2016
Hope is in Better Questions
Most people will have back pain from time to time. As a massage therapist, I can pretty consistently put my hands on that and make it feel better for at least awhile; and, if that’s what you want to pay me to do, that’s what I do. But, what I REALLY LOVE about my work is asking the questions. The bigger questions. The better questions. If you and I talk a little bit, are we going to start to wonder if your back pain is related to the wallet you have in your back pocket when you drive? Would your neck pain be alleviated if you got computer glasses so that you aren’t straining to see?
I am a recovering intellectual. I went to school to learn how to be a massage therapist. I wanted to make someone responsible for teaching me how to do everything “right.” People are not geometrical. I was shocked. We don’t have all the same muscles and bones, and we don’t have them in all the same places. I am not going to find someone’s troublemaking psoas major by getting out a measuring stick and poking them with it. I sought comfort in right answers. I realize now how arrogant that whole concept was, how limited I was by my belief that all I needed was to learn some “secret formula” that would bring guaranteed results, and then I could pat myself on the back for making the world a better place.
I no longer consider myself a “healer.” I did when I set out on this journey. That’s what I thought I was, as though I was going to magically “fix” people. Every person is in charge of their own health. I simply extend the invitation. I am not magic. Healing does not occur without permission. I am a safe place, a facilitator, an educator and an encourager. I am responsible for the intent, not for how it is received.
Touch is powerful. Many people have limited experience with touch. Touch is personal. It is sacred, and it can be scary. People often dismiss or reject, or even mock things they don’t understand. I don’t want to condemn them back. I won’t lose my truth because someone doesn’t appreciate its value.
My compassion and integrity are reflections of my experiences on this planet. It is through my unique training, integrity, curiosity and courageous compassion that I hope to influence the way others experience life on this planet. I believe in the power of touch. I believe in the power of compassion. I believe in the power of holding space for others. I believe in the divine design of the body to heal in the presence of Love. I am a powerful force for Hope in this world. Hope can change the world. Every day, Hope can change someone’s world.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)