Are You Judging Me, LMT?

As a massage therapist, people are often curious as to what I "see." I will find myself in a conversation with someone about my boundaries, why I don't wear makeup when I work, and how no one's marketable appearance is relevant to what I do. Very often, this conversationalist will squint and say, "Yeah, but I bet you'd rather work on someone with a 'nice body' than (insert whatever hangup that person seems to have), right?"

*sigh*

I have had people get on my table and apologize for having hair, for their "ugly" scars, for pigmentation, for their weight (both ends of the spectrum), for dirty feet, and pretty much just for being imperfect.

A few things are important here. One is my definition of "perfect": What makes a body perfect or nice in my mind is that it will support and facilitate the needs and choices of the person in it. No one else's estimation of their body is really relevant. If someone makes reference to a "nice butt" in my presence, my question is always, "Does it work?" I don't mean to be flippant or crass. I just don't subscribe to the idea of a "better" body unless it is followed by "for... ______."

Second: If someone says to me, "I don't like to take my clothes off because I am uncomfortable with my body." I am going to let you own that. That belongs to you. Your discomfort with your body doesn't belong to me. I'm not uncomfortable with your body.

The next step is to give you some choices:

If you don't want to be seen or touched because you are fearful, let's talk about that. I want you to know that you are safe with me. If you have had a trauma, such as an assault, please don't think that the expectation is for you to "tough it out." Please tell me that you don't want to be touched there. You don't have to tell me why if you don't want to. I won't. It won't benefit either of us to force it. If after a few visits, you feel comfortable with the idea of working with that traumatized part of your body, we will talk it through. I have had my own life experiences and I understand that it is not ok until it is ok, and nobody knows but you. Don't just be the "good client." You are not alone in this.

If you don't want to be seen or touched because you are ashamed, let's talk about that. You are not comfortable with your weight. You have had a surgery. You have a rash or sweaty feet.

Ok, let's start with rashes and smelly feet. If you have something that I can catch from you, please don't hide it. Let's agree to protect each other. I won't massage you if I have strep throat. We can skip that rashy area on your knee if we don't know what it is for now. I might even have had a similar condition, and I can share some of my experience in its dealings, or I may very well have good connections with someone I can recommend. If you have psoriasis, I'm not going to catch that from you, and I'm not going to worry about it. AT ALL. If you have hyperhidrosis, I might keep a towel handy to blot excess moisture and help control the "glide" of my massage strokes. I'm not worried about that. AT ALL.

If you just have sweaty, smelly feet, I might suggest that you use some wipes I provide for that, largely because I don't want you to feel all squirmy inside wondering what I'm thinking when I work on your feet. That takes away from the relaxation of your massage.

These are "normal" things. It is NORMAL to have things that are challenges and considerations in the way we get through our days. I'm not afraid to talk about them, and I don't want you to be.

If you are uncomfortable with your weight, let me assure you that I am not. If you aren't ready to let go of that, I'm not going to push you or shame you for your "hangups." I will simply suggest that when you feel safe to let your body receive healing touch, I would be honored to provide that. My perspective on your body is that it is my job to help you to get the best performance out of it that can come through massage. If we need to give some consideration to the reality of what will support you safely, let's do that. If your knees ache, I want to help you with your knees. If someone has shamed you because your knees ache, shame on them. Conversely, if you are afraid that massage will hurt because you are afraid you don't have enough tissue mass, let me assure you that it is not your job to "take" massage however the therapist performs it. It is my job to shape my work around the needs of your body and your experience.

Many of my clients have some type of "unique anatomy." This means that through surgery, injury or genetics, their anatomy doesn't match the textbooks. A surgical repair has attached a tendon to a different part of the bone to be able to best restore function. Synthetic parts have forced rerouted bloodflow. Cancer has cost someone part of their leg. Ectrodactyly redefines the biomechanics of their hands, affecting the forearms and shoulders. These things are fascinating to me. I want to know how your function is affected. I want to explore ways we can work together with the real anatomy you have today to get it and keep it working for you, without pain, without shame, and without avoidable limitation. Sometimes, I may need input from your doctors to move forward with a treatment plan safely, and, frankly I won't apologize for asking for what I need to protect you.

I don't care about hair. Let me say it again. I don't. care. about. hair.

Some people might be disappointed to know that when I am in my therapeutic mindset, I probably won't even notice your awesome tattoo or your cute shoes, just like I don't try to look into the windows of houses when I'm driving down the street. It's not relevant to what I'm doing, it's not my business, and frankly, it's creepy.

The truth is, I generally don't see naked bodies. I always work with what we call a "drape," which is a sheet of fabric that I will move and tuck to uncover just what is relevant and necessary to perform the massage my client and I have planned. Draping is a skill and an art, and I take pride in my ability to protect the modesty of my client while working very effectively to get them results. Often, I simply work over the drape when I'm targeting specific muscles or working where it just isn't necessary to expose the skin. It keeps my client warm and eliminates unnecessary considerations for their modesty or mine.

When I get ready to step out to provide privacy for my client to get themselves situated and covered on the treatment table, I suggest they undress to their level of comfort, and I mean it. For some, that means nothing on under the drape, and for others that means all they take off is their belt and their shoes. That truly is okay.

Your massage will fail to relax you if you don't feel safe.

In functional neuromuscular therapy, sometimes it just makes more sense to have the client wear workout clothes. Often, the best way to approach restoring movement is to involve quite a bit of movement, and if they're wearing yoga pants, the time they have paid for in therapy isn't being used draping and re-draping with every repositioning.

If I can't give you a skillful massage through clothing, that is not your fault; that's on me. It is true that fabric can make it difficult or impossible to use certain techniques in certain areas, and that multiple layers of clothing can dramatically limit the ability to palpate exactly what is going on with some tissues, but there are other techniques, and maybe problem-solving palpation isn't necessary for the goals of this massage.

Most of the time, though, once a person has a sense of how draping and positioning work, they no longer worry that they will be exposed. With that worry lifted, they can comfortably receive more traditionally draped massage and benefit from the thoroughness of fluid, unhindered work.

And I am honored.